Embers, Ashes and Opals
by Lady Eleanor Boleyn
Summary: If it was just her, Druella would probably walk away from Cygnus and take the consequences. But it's not.


_Challenge Response for our newest challenge on the forums...I'm not entirely sure where this came from, but I just ran with it...for the 'Three Reasons' prompt...though it's only loosely linked, really, sorry...this one ran away with me a bit... Warning: It's never explicitly stated, but it is implied that Cygnus abuses Druella. If that's going to offend you, stop reading now._

**Embers, Ashes and Opals**

Siofra asked me once, one day after she'd spotted just one too many bruises peeping out from beneath my foundation for me to be able to explain them away with a half-laughing lie, seen me wince as I shifted in my seat just once too many times for me to be able to pass it off as over-exertion the day before, after she'd finally, with a mixture of cajolement and guesswork, extricated the truth of my relationship with Cygnus from me, why I didn't walk away from him, like she had from Titus.

At first I'd stared at her in shock, unable to countenance why she might be suggesting such a thing. "Siofra!" I gasped, when I'd finally regained the ability to string a sentence together, "I couldn't do that! People would talk! Think of the shame it would bring upon the family!"

My younger sister shrugged her shoulders, "People would talk, Ruelle, but at the end of the day, what's more important, society's opinion of you or your safety?"

I had no answer to that, so the sentence was left hanging, heavily pregnant, in the air between us as I changed the subject to far safer topics. But that night, lying alone in my grand four-poster, I began to consider her words more carefully. And this is my answer.

* * *

Bellatrix was my first child, and, I'm ashamed to say, the one I connected with least. As a baby, she was stricken with colic; colic so severe that nothing short of burping and bouncing her constantly would even begin to alleviate her pain, meaning that, unless she was feeding, which she did voraciously at surprisingly short, irregular intervals, she was inevitably howling so loudly that even an entire manor house wasn't large enough to muffle her screams. Or not to muffle them enough for my liking, anyway.

As a toddler, she simmered down to a sulky, silent child who erupted into flaming tantrums whenever things didn't go her way. I used to call her my little bowl of embers because she had so much potential yet was so liable to explode over the slightest provocation. If I'm honest, I was always relieved when the requisite hour a day I had to spend with her to stop people talking was over and I could hand her back to her nurse without qualms of conscience.

But that doesn't mean I don't love her. Of course I do. She's my blood and, no matter how fraught our relationship might get, that won't change. And I can see how protective she is of her younger sisters. If I walked out on their father, then she would take it upon herself to protect them, and I can't do that to her.

Oh, Cygnus would never touch her in the way he does me; he adores his little firebrand too much for that, but I still can't do it to her. It's too much to ask of a fourteen year old girl, especially an unpredictable fourteen year old like her. No, I have to stay, at least until she gets a little bit older. At least until she gains a little more self-control. After all, I am her mother. Whether she likes it or not, it is my duty to set her an example.

* * *

Andromeda is twelve now, a full two years younger than Bellatrix. Yet, somehow, if you saw them together, you'd think she was the older sister. She's much cooler, much more in control, yet also, somehow, much more perceptive. The flames that burn in Bellatrix's black eyes have been cooled to ash in her grey ones. And, just as you can draw in ashes with a stick, Andromeda's experiences mark her profoundly. She, more than Cissy, and much more than Bella, would understand just why I'd abandoned them. I think she knows that all is not well between her father and I. Sometimes I even think she knows what's wrong. The uncanny light in her level, piercing gaze just gives me that feeling.

I can't admit to her that she's right. I can't. It's a matter of pride; as a Rosier and as a matriarch of the House of Black, I can't be bested by a girl of twelve, even if said girl is my own daughter. Which means I have to stay. I have to stay and try to prove Andromeda wrong.

* * *

Cissy has always been my little girl. It's odd; her arrival in our household was the very reason Cygnus started treating me the way he does, or mistreating me, rather. You'd expect that I'd be even less involved with her upbringing than I was with Bellatrix's; that I'd try to distance myself from her because of it. Yet, perhaps because she looks so like I did at her age; so like my sister Siofra did at her age, I can never resist her anything. Cygnus may indulge Bellatrix and treat her more like a son than a daughter, but I positively ruin Narcissa. Nothing is too good for my little Opal Princess.

And she's such a romantic little girl; sometimes I wonder if she was born with her head in the clouds. She's ten years old this coming June and yet she still sees every marriage as automatically perfect; still sees me as the prettiest woman in the world; her father as the most powerful man. That last may actually be true, but it's the fact that she believes it so wholeheartedly that worries me. Hogwarts will be enough of a shock next year without me ripping the fabric from her world now as well.

And my leaving Cygnus would rip the fabric from her world, there's no doubt about that. She'd have to confront the rude reality of the world around her. More importantly, she'd have to choose between her father and sisters and me. I can't do that to her; it would break her heart; break her fragile, childish heart so irreparably I'm not sure we could ever put it back together again. So I'll stay. To keep her sheltered that little bit longer. To keep my precious baby girl innocent for just a few more years. To keep her the way she is now, for, if it was up to me, she'd never change, not one bit.

* * *

So those are my three reasons. Bellatrix, my fiery bowl of embers, who needs me to keep her from going off the rails, Andromeda, my perceptive middle girl, with whom I appear to be locked in a bizarre battle of pride, and Narcissa, my precious Opal Princess, whom I would not hurt for the world, not even if it cost me my own life. My three beautiful, beautiful girls. The three reasons I try to deceive society into believing Cygnus and I are still happily married.


End file.
